Madness Insues

A fragmented glimmer of hope barely recognizable in the dense fog surrounding my broken heart. My mind is aware of the danger, the hurt, manipulation and yet my forgiving, compassionate heart reaches out to the hope before my logical mind has a chance to think.

I question love, fore I love so freely, giving it to sinners and saints alike. I long for love, to be loved and be in love, for my soul to recognize its other half and vice versa. I want to feel I diserve to be loved in that way. Cherished and possessed and yet free and alive.

I know the madness is in me; i think too much and I feel too much. The logical and the emotional rarely coincide. Yet I belive in following my heart, even though the Bible says your heart can decieve you and lead you astray. Why if God is love and love is of the heart would that be so? Love is a choice and yet not always completely so.

The biological fact is that the enzymes of the heart react to situations more often than not before the mind interprets and sends out reaction.

I want a man taller than myself who is tenderly possessive, old world chivalrous. Who cherishes and adores me, but most of all loves me. Who enjoys my sense of humor, who comforts my emotional side. Someone no easy to anger, whom I can make smile with my own smile, or with a giggle. Who enjoys things I enjoy. Somone I respect, who cuddles, who loves to touch and kiss(even in public). Who is passionate about life and love. Who runs his fingers through my hair, his hands over my body, his lips over mine. Who allows my sarcastic, independent, social self flourish as well as protecting my insecure, worrisome self. One who protects me above all else, who worships my body, my mind, my heart and my spirit. A connection unbreakable between us. My caring nature would lighten his heart, my temper tantrums would make him smile(at least on the inside) because it would mean he had a chance to comfort me with his logic. He would let my fiesty, playfull side play my Dominant will, loving the joy and smile when he did my will, yet his tender teasing and passion, his total need and possession of me would make us jelly in eachothers arms. Our eyes always caressing the other, our bodies always wanting to be close, needing eachothers touch and voice. We would possess and love eachother fully.

He would love my family as I his. We would travel, read, study, debate and discuss. We would attend church, movies, plays, concerts and so much more. We would be best friends and true lifemates.

This is what I ask God for in my prayers!

Charmaine